Me, Little girl!

I sit and think about when I was a little girl and wonder if my father ever really loved me, he told my mom if she ever got pregnant again and she did with me, and then he left her 6 weeks after I was born, you know how much that messed up my life but now he wants to be in my life and I dont know what to do, if you could get in my shoes for a day could you tell me what I could do or even remotely think about something to do? Its so depressing that my father didnt want to be in my life until just now in my life... This is rediculous, I love my father because he's my father but I cant call him my dad because he wasn't in my life at all when I was a kid growing up. I just want to know really what to do!!! Help

Stream - of - consciousness

The ideal day for me would be,to sleep in with my girlfriend by my side until like 11 and wake up.It be hot and summer outside and we would take a walk with the dogs. Come back and take a shower then cuddle on the couch.She would put on music for me because I love to listen to music while I fold laundry,that is so calming and relaxing for me,then I'd clean house like really good.When it started to get later in the day I would cook a big dinner for the family,Barbeque chicken with green beans and carrots and corn on the cob with homemade mashed potatos,and a chocolate cake with chocolate icing.
Do I really know who I really am or do I only know what people tell me? I think I know me like true me thats within myself.I know that I make the decision to come to school when I get up,I was sick one day and mom said I could stay home but I came to school anyways because I wasnt dying and I havent missed a day of school I hate not coming to school.I believe that if you can make decisions that are good and you can say no to someone then you have control over yourself and you are a good person for you.I also believe if you can truely agree with your parents then you also have control over you.
What power do we have over ourselves? I believe that if we get up in the morning and do everythinf you need to do for yourself "Brush your teeth, eat breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, come to school, do your homework, do your chores, all that your parents tell you" then you have power over yourself. I believe that if you truely can make choices for you then you have everything you need.

Scaryyyyy

It was a cold winter night and me and my girlfriend were sitting in her bedroom laying down to go to sleep and all I can remember is when we layed down she left the room for about 5 minutes and I was putting on my pj's and I heard a knock at the window, I was so scared but I looked anyways and there was a man standing there looking at me with a knife, I was the most horrifing experience because all I wanted to do was scream and run but I just stood there with my mouth dropped and I just was in so much shock, Then I'm running out the door and I ran up to her moms boyfriend and I just was like someone is outside our window, He's going outside and he was like no one is out there, turns out that I was just seeing things or just didnt know what it was. I end up sleeping in the living room and I wake up to the lights getting turned on and all of a sudden the lights flicker and I scream and the lights go out, we opened the door and there was that man again so I run to the back room and start crying because I was so scared. I didnt know what was going on because I was not in the room but then I hear Sarah scream so I ran to see if she was ok but I couldnt find her, I couldnt find anyone in the whole intire house, I was so very scared and like I was looking all over the house and couldnt find anyone at all so I go outside and I still didnt understand where everyone went because all 3 cars were out there so I start crying and then Sarah shakes me and I'm crying and screaming. Turns out that it was all just the scariest dream ever! :(